Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
