I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
