we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
