Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he shaved USA in his pubs
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
