you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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