it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
