its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
