im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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