Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
FUCK WHALES
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
