if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We're using joints as your birthday candles
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
