My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
