Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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