ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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