Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
