In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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