Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
