i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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