I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
