alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
