No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
