just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
