I must be too annoying 4 u.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
