You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
