He felt like a one man threesome
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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