playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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