Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
