I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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