she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
