You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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