Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
