The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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