Your dad touched me again.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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