i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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