If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
