Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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