I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
