I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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