my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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