dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
