Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
