it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
