Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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