bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
