wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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