Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
