what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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