Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
