I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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