You're completely useless in the revolution.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
