I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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