She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
