So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
