My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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